• I went to NYC. Had a great time with some good friends. Got my picture taken with the yellow M&M and walked across the Brooklyn bridge. Found out I needed new tennis shoes the hard way.
• Hurricane Earl is currently heading toward NC. It’s supposed to turn, but “supposed” doesn’t make it any easier to watch. My old friends and family are on the coast of NC.
• There’s two more storms behind Earl. It’s always the third one that does the most damage.
• My sister goes into the hospital tomorrow. That is, if the storm allows it. She’s having her gall bladder removed. She’s been sick for sometime now. I hope this helps her to feel better. I feel the need to be there and help take care of her, but I cannot. I do not like this feeling.
• I go to the first NCSU football game of the season on Saturday. I’m trying to be excited about it, but there’s a lot going on currently, and my mind is elsewhere. I hope things calm enough that I can enjoy the upcoming games.
• Eli and Jay… the rocks of my world. I thank heaven for them.
• I get to hug Ms. Copperbeech and play with Twinkies next weekend.
• As of today, I’ve lost 60 lbs. As a reward this morning, I sat in the steam room for 10 mins and the hot tub for 15. Ahhh….

I have met this co-worker in the break room several times before, but we do not actually know each others names. She is a woman of slight build. I probably triple her weight wise. I watched her pull the plastic safety filter off the top of a new bottle. At this point I asked “Can I help with that?”.

Michael Loop said in his latest book Being Geek: “I am a geek, and I might be a nerd, but I’m not a dork.” Actually, I am a geek, and I know I am also a nerd. Sometimes I have to work very hard at not being a dork. Anyway….

“The Terminator” has a linguistic/conversation system where he goes through a list of possible responses to any given verbal query, picks the one with the highest probability of getting the result he wants, and then verbalizes the chosen phrase. When I asked “Can I help with that?” I actually went through a similar decision making process. I eliminated not saying anything and helping without asking. I also eliminated a couple of other ways of offering my help that could be construed as direct slights against her diminutive size.

Here is where it gets awkward. And the awkwardness is totally of my own creating. After asking “Can I help with that?” I then started the “post statement cleanup routine”. It is in this routine where I ask myself the question “Did I just make a verbal faux pas?” In this case I am 80% sure that I did not, but just to be sure I responded with “Not that you need the help…” because I did not want her to think that because I was offering to help I was making a judgment on her size. I really just wanted to help, and my upbringing says something old fashioned like “helping ladies is a good thing to do.” I have updated my upbringing so that the words “helping ladies” is now read “helping others” to drop the gender bias. But in this case it just does not work. A guy would be totally insulted if I had asked them if they needed help with the water cooler. And since a guy would be insulted I could make the leap to see how a lady would be insulted.

So I said “Not that you need the help…” and stood there with this expression of “please do not flay me” on my face. We both just stood there and looked at each other trying to figure out just what kind of idiot I am. A moment later she came to the conclusion that I am the harmless good natured kind of idiot and indicated that she would be happy for the help. I came to the conclusion that when it comes to talking I really am just better off not. I helped replace the water bottle and we went our ways.

Damn it’s hard for a dork to be chivalrous in a world of equal rights.

Update: I had originally titled this entry as “Chivalry is not dead, just burdened”. After reading I think the new title is more appropriate.

When Eli sleeps in our bed (which we try to limit as much as possible) he will snuggle with Kay until he hears me approach the bed. The second I start to sit on the edge of the bed to lay down he moves over to claim his territory.  Unfortunately this results in a border dispute the likes of which makes America/Mexico seen tame.  I often loose the dispute.

At 6:00am this morning the “SHOW IS OVER!!” is trumpeted throughout the house.  This means I have about 3 minutes to get to the entertainment center before Eli decides to start exploring all the features of the remote control.  While I am normally up for de-tangling the cryptic state that Eli can get the entertainment system, I am not in the mood so I pop in just as he is trying to punch in a launch code on the universal remote.

Lucky me it looks like Eli is already dressed. Thanks Kay!!!  I figure Eli can watch another show while I get ready.  I do not even have to finish asking when Eli responds “The King of Omashu”.  (Later I explained to Kay that when he asks for that go to Book 1, Episode 5 of Avatar: The Last Airbender.) I setup his movie and my alarm clock goes off.  It is 6:05am.

The rest of the morning goes easily since he is already up, alert, and dressed (Thanks again Kay!!).  So I pack the bags, load up the car, get breakfast arranged for the car ride and then spend a couple of minutes playing Torchlight.

On the car ride to school Eli eats his breakfast then promptly FALLS ASLEEP!!!  I wake him up once but the effort needed to keep him awake is overridden by the need to focus on the road.  We arrive at school. I grab his bag and sling him over my shoulder.  Mumbling to Ms. Laura and Jaime something about “cute as a defense against a neck wringing” I proceed to Eli’s classroom.

The moment I walk in the room Eli’s teacher Ms. Nancy asks in a loud voice “Would you like some cereal Eli?”.   Eli’s head pops up off my shoulder, and while he is rubbing his eyes he responds “Yes, Please!”.  He gives my shoulder a big hug, I put him down, he hugs Ms. Nancy, then proceeds to plow into what looks like a generic brand “O” cereal.

As Kay said, I sure hope he gets some sleep today, or Eli will be facing a difficult evening.

*YAWN*

<Jack Bauer>The following events occurred between the hours of 4am and 6am.</Jack Bauer>

Eli awakes and enters our room. I know he’s heading to our room because he slams his door prior to exiting his room. (He’s done this since he was old enough to know how to exit his own room.) He says when he gets into our room, “I want to snuggle.” While this may seem cute and precious (and given any other day, my heart would have melted) Jay has a rule that before Eli enters our bed, he must go pee first (I’ll post another time about why this rule was put into place… for now, just  use your imagination.)

Eli climbs up into the bed and puts a monster grab on my arm. My heart begins to melt, and my eyes grow heavy again. I’m asleep and in a dream state when I hear the question, “Mom, is it time to wake up yet?” I replied with a soft, “no honey. It’s not even close, go to sleep.” Eli proceeds to do a dance with his hands, moving them to and fro. He used to do this when he was a lot younger, and it was his pre-sleep ritual. So, I let it go, and fade back to sleep.

At some point later, Eli says, “I need to go poop.” I tell Jay to take Eli to potty and Jay does. Now it may seem that Jay handles all of the night time chores, and he does. Jay can wake up, extract a splinter with a pair of tweezers, and immediately fall back asleep. He’s had this gift since Eli was born. I, however, once awake, am up for the long haul. So, I’m trying to fall back asleep, when Eli comes into bed, again.

I fall back asleep, and again Eli asks, “Is it time to wake up yet?” I look at my clock, and it is now 5:44am. I am a good 20 mins late for when I was supposed to wake up. So, I tell Eli to get on up. I get us both dressed. I turn on some Mickey Mouse for him, and I head  to the gym.

I’m hoping Eli will nap today. He’ll be a little devil if he does not.

So will his mom!

When I was a child I had a couple of mishaps in the water.  The first was at a family friends pool in Miami. I had boasted to the boys in the family that “Of course I can swim!!”.  As a result one of the boys in the group decided to test me at my word.  I was proven a liar.  It was one of the scariest and most humiliating memories that I have.  I asked both Mom and Dad if they recalled this episode.  Both were able to name John and Carol as the husband and wife of the pool.  Neither seemed to clearly recall that I had a huge crush on the youngest daughter (and she on me).  They both said that I was quickly “saved”. I recall it totally differently, but I figure I could be wrong in that it seemed forever that I was “drowning”. I also recall that John decided to make this swimming lesson time and I was not allowed out of the pool until he put me through my paces.  That “swimming lesson” was the second longest and second most terrifying experience I had up to that point in my life.

A few years later I was swimming in neighbor’s pool in Fort Myers with my brother and mom.  Mom was perched on a folding chair situated in the shallow end of the pool.  The other children and I were diving under mom’s chair as part of a game.  The last time I dove under her chair my swim trunks tangled up on a metal post. I was stuck pretty good.  I failed to untangle my trunks after a few seconds of struggle and instead went with a poke and pinch mom’s legs approach.  Later when talking with mom she thought I was “just playing”.  It was only a short while later that she realized what was going on.  I honestly have been trying to recall how I recovered from that episode, I do not remember what happens afterward.  Ever since that episode if I am in a stressful situation there is a chance that I relive the struggle to free myself from the chair.

Between those episodes and today I learned to swim well enough to earn my swimming merit badge. I can dive into water, float on my back and stomach, and overall keep myself alive if I must.  However, somewhere along the way I found that I have a most interesting fear reaction. If I am in water over my head and something/somebody touches me I freak.  I loose total control over my ability to think rationally and to control my actions.  I lash out. I cuss using real and made up words.  Above all I make a bee-line for the nearest exit from the pool.  I have been told about this behavior, and I recall it happening well after I have calmed down, but when I am in the throws of this fear reaction I just cease to exist.

When Kay and I were engaged I was visiting her family in Harlowe North Carolina.  We had been invited over to Ms. Betty’s pool.  Ms. Betty is a good friend of Margaret and not someone to offend.  I carefully explained to Kay the issue I have in the water.  She understand and agreed that she would not “mess with me”.  While I was standing on the slope between the shallow part of the pool and the deep part Kay decides to nudge me.  I loose my balance and my feet go out from under me.  The next thing I know I am on the side of the pool apologizing to Ms. Betty.  Later that week I find out from Kay that Ms. Betty told Margaret that I would be no good for Kay.  That because of my violent nature I would abuse her.

Fast forward to today.  Eli is the center of my world right now. The most important thing to me is for him to “have it better”.  That includes his relationship with water.  A few months back we enrolled him in a week of pre-school swimming lessons at Swim Atlanta.  After that week we made sure to have him at the pool no less than three times a week.  A month ago we had in back in for the next set of lessons.  Likewise we have had him back at the pool two to three times a week.

Even after his lessons Eli showed reticence to jumping into the pool where his head would go under water.  As a result I made a new rule, if you do not jump in when we get to the pool we have to leave.  We have not had to leave once. Yesterday at Kay’s friend’s pool Eli was jumping in almost before Kay and I were ready.  He jumped in the pool no less than 20 times and swam between the two of us several times for a length of 10 to 15 feet each time.  He just needs a bit more technique and endurance and he will be a monster in the pool!

Now I just need to figure out how to fix this fear reaction that I have so I can enjoy the water with him.

This week Eli moved to the pre-school two room. (As he says that means he is four years old… The hilarity ensues.)   During the walk to his new room I often admire the crafts that the pre-school one and two classes make during the week that are on display.  As I was gathering his backpack yesterday I noticed that he had a “friendship picture” posted above his hook.  The picture contained three hand-prints with three names under each print.  The names were: Eli, Tommy, and Jayden.  (If they were allowed four I imagine that Jacob would be there too.)

This is where it gets interesting.  I was never popular in school for a combination of reasons; moving, socially awkward (geek), overweight (later part of my childhood).  So when I looked at the other five friendship pictures in the room I was amazed to see that Eli’s hand-print was on all but one of them. I did a quick tally and found that Eli had five of six handprints, where the next most popular child had three of six.  I asked Eli about this on the ride home. His response was “I had to do a LOT of prints daddy!”.

I realize that this is a superficial topic of discussion, but I am still a very proud daddy!!

I woke sometime in the morning coming out of a most incredible dream.  Now, I am not one to cotton to much into the reading of tea leaves, palms, or dreams, but I figured this one was worthy of sharing.

Imagine a pre-apocalyptic world.  Things are going well, but stuff is just not quite right. Society seems to be in decay, folks are on edge, and everything has this gray oppressive sheen to it.  This was the starting point of my dream.  I am in a music store in a mall messing around with an electric bass.

In the real world I taught myself enough electric bass to truly suck.  I can do a scale for the most part, and given enough time can learn a song well enough to get bye.  I do not consider myself even competent on the instrument.  But in this dream I can play!  And when I say “play” I mean think of all the greats: Yo-Yo Ma, Charlie Daniels, Santana, Chopin…  I was as good on the bass as they were on their respective instruments.

I am giving the bass a workout. Running through a number of jazz patterns, playing classic Bon Jovi, when I hear some commotion from outside the store front.  The sounds of crying and screaming.  I look up and I see people running bye the glass front of the shop, all in the same direction.  A young lady falls in front of the music shop door. As she is propping herself up on her hands and knees to get back to her feet a shadow falls on top of her and consumes her.

When I was a teenager I stumbled on the Spellsinger series of books written by Alan Dean Foster.  In this dream I think about that series and realized that I have a strong power in my hands.  *Que up the Jack Black voice over.* Music is power. I am no longer holding a mundane electric bass. I am wielding an instrument of POWER!!

The shadows flow outside the storefront like a wave of ink.  Darkness starts to seep under and around the metal framed glass doors.  I face the blackness that is flowing towards me and start banging out a slow riff.  The edge of the shadows pulse with every note, a wave radiating outward along its edge as I hammer each string.  The bass emits a low glow which slowly builds in brightness until I am standing in a sphere of mood light surrounded by shadow.

I did not go shopping alone.  Kay, Eli, and I went shopping together.  If Kay is in a music shop there is one place she will go.  Drums are the star at the center of Kay’s musical solar system.  She and Eli headed back to the drum section as soon as we entered the store.

I was engulfed by the shadows. They writhed around and over the sphere created by the guttural thumping of the bass in my hands.  I realized that Kay and Eli would be in trouble and immediately turned to go to them.  As I started to turn I almost tripped over the instrument cable.  It took only a moment of reflection before I did what seemed natural and plucked the cable from the jack on the bass.  The sphere of low light around me wobbled for a moment until I was able to get the riff going again, at which point the sphere seemed to harden once more, the darkness kept at bay.  It seemed that my will through the instrument, and not its sound were what was needed.

Concerned for the well being of my wife and child I made my way toward the drum section.  Having taken only a couple steps I hear the staccato of drums followed by a feeling of relief.  Kay had found her power.  Shortly after I am standing in front of Kay sitting behind a set of Pearls.  She is providing a solid beat which the darkness has no ability to overcome.  We both glance at each other with an initial look of hope that the other has Eli with them.  Neither of us do.

Kay steps from behind the drums clutching the drum sticks in one hand.  Her lips are moving but I cannot hear a word she says.  By the shrug of my shoulder and the quizzical look on my face she figures out that talking is out of the question in this dream world.  The only things that matter are the shadows, the music, and finding our son.  We make our way over to the marching band section and Kay straps on a snare.  Once again she gives a rhythm that I can follow, and our sphere of light increases in brightness and volume.

Over the last couple of days Eli has started watching the Nickelodeon animated series “Avatar: The Last Airbender” with me.  He enjoys pretending being different kinds of “benders”, doing  a pretty impressive job of imitating what he sees.  I think martial arts classes are in his near future.

Kay and I methodically make our way through the store looking for Eli.  At one point while looking around I stumble and stop playing.  Kay reaches out to try and steady me which also stops her playing.  The bubble of light around us goes out with an audible “snap” and we are plunged into darkness.  I am thrown from my feet as I feel the shadows crawling over my skin.  I attempt to take a breath but cannot seem to get any air.  I start to panic.  Then I hear the drum start back up and the darkness lightens just a bit.  I am able to suck in the thinnest of air.    I also hear something besides Kays halting attempts to get a beat going.  A whining noise that turns into the sound of an electric lambent comes from our left.  The noise intensifies swiftly. Suddenly the darkness splits.

Eli, like a sun falling from the heavens, lands beside us with an electric guitar clutched in his hands.  A wailing noise emanates from the instrument which Eli quickly turns into a guitar solo.  The darkness washes back over us, but once again encounters a sphere of light and power.  Kay and I make it back to our feet and resume playing.  The music we are making is powerful and true.  The shadows cannot resist.

No hallucinogenics were used in the making of this dream.

That means guy’s night out.  I did not even have to explain the idea of guy’s night out to Eli and he was fully in agreement that it was something that we should do.  I asked him where he wanted to have dinner. Answer: Chic-Fil-A.  I asked him what he wanted to do after dinner: Play the Wii then watch a show.  I negotiated that we would pause the show mid-way and he would get a bird bath, then we would finish the show and head to bed. He was in agreement.

So we went to Chik-Fil-A and ordered him his favorite meal:  Chicken nuggets, french fries, sweet tea, honey mustard, ranch, and ketchup.

(For those folks out there that are about to take me to task for the meal my son ate, do me a favor. Get on your high horse and ride it somewhere else. I do not have time or inclination to deal with you at the moment.  My son is healthy, fit, smart, and knows that we do not eat like that all the time.)

So we get our meal, sit down and get ready to eat.  Eli puts his hand out so that I stop and says “Dad, you need to say the blessing.”

Back story.  I consider Kay as “Spiritual but not Religious“.  She has a strength in her conviction in the knowledge that God exists.  I am an Atheist.   We had already agreed that if we ever had children I would defer to Kay in the way to raise our child(ren) with respect to religion and a belief in God.  It is the hardest concession I have ever had to make, and not one I could have made to anybody other than Kay.  I trust her in all ways with mine and my son’s life, including teaching him something I fundamentally disagree with.

So I am sitting at Chic-Fil-A with my three and a half year old son, getting ready to put a hurt on some chicken nuggets and french fries, when he reaches across the table and says “Daddy, you can’t eat until after the blessing.”   I was shocked. I thought I had more time. I panicked just a bit because I did not want to do or say anything that would make Kay’s job any harder.  I was not ready to cross this bridge yet.

I responded with the best neutral tone that I could by saying “Daddy does not say the blessing. You go ahead if you like,” to which my son replied with a hint of concern “But you cannot eat dinner if you do not say the blessing.”

I repeated my sentence and said that I would be alright.  As I do with my friends and family I respectfully stayed quiet and waited for the prayer to complete. He assumed the  position, said a quick two sentence prayer under his breath, and then pronounced “Now I can eat.” The last sentence was followed with a glance at me indicating that, of the two of us, he was the only one that was really prepared for the meal.

We ate our meals. Afterward he played in the play area for a while. After playing Eli carefully and slowly explained to me that since he was good at dinner and in the play area that he should be given ice cream.  Since his logic was sound and I could find no fault in anything he said I acquired a child sized serving of frozen yogurt.  I was given the last bite.

It is hard for me to describe the feelings I have about this experience.  I felt a combination of awe, fear, pride, and angst.  It is the brewing of a new emotion that words fail to properly express.   I was not prepared for this event.

• This is the third day in a row I have not worked out. This matches the greatest numbers of days without working out since I started back in January. The good news: I’m still alive.
  

• Eli was in a a very happy mood this morning at home. It made me be in a happy mood too.
  

• On the way to work, we saved a small box turtle crossing the road. Now, I know he was probably going to be ok anyway, but I made sure he was off the road and well on his way into the woods.
  

• Every year since we’ve lived in GA, I’ve removed a turtle from the road and put it into the woods. Last year, it was on the road to the Dekalb airport.
  

• I’m in a really good mood today, but you already knew that.
  

• Lots of folks have birthdays today. Well, that’s the case anyways, but I know three people that all have birthdays today. Happy day to Marianne, Jael and Shannon!
  

• I put some turkey meat into a mesquite marinade this morning. Despite having washed my hands about four times, they still smell like mesquite. This is not at all a complaint.
  

• I leave for NYC in about three days, and I still do not have an agenda or “thing” I want to do. Must do some more research!

Well, he’s 16 now. He no longer wakes me in the morning, I have to wake him. He spent a lot of time with some dear friends who have a pool. So, they were swimming a lot. He also met some others here and got along with them well. My family (his mom, my dad and niece) came to get him this weekend to take him home. Before they even cleared the end of the road, I was missing him, and them.

It was interesting to have a toddler/teenager dynamic in the house. No, I didn’t raise Frankie, but I was there when he was a toddler/little boy/young man, and even our dynamic has changed. He wasn’t seeking out opportunities to hang with me this time, but just kinda when along with what I suggested. He spent a lot of time on my computer, and I allowed him that. His life line to the outside world is Facebook, and not having internet access at home, it was like crack to him.

It just leaves me wondering if that is what it will be like between Eli and myself. I already give myself a hard time because I don’t think I spend enough time with him. There are times when Eli says “mommy, let’s do X” and I am busy with a chore, or doing something else. I give my usual excuse for not doing X, and Eli goes about his business.

I’m thinking the chores will wait now. It’s ok to have dirty dishes/laundry/toilets right?